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Recovering from Depression

I've been holding off writing or talking about this for quite some time. Which is obviously (give the title) a good thing, it means that I've felt more in the right frame of mind to talk about how I feel now. Earlier this year, something started to change. I'm not sure what but I started to feel different. More different than I have in the past 10 months (or so). There was a short period at the start of this year where I was changing meds and somehow I feel like that has helped... I'm not sure how but it has.

The difference mainly is visable in the way I approach things now. I used to get severely stressed in traffic and just the other week I was in one of the worst traffic jams I have ever been in, to the point where a lot was riding on it. Flick back to early Jan late Dec, I honestly do not know how I would have dealt with it. I fear the worst knowing how bad I've dealt with the slightest delay in the past.

I am finding that I am a lot happier generally overall, happier to spend time with and have fun with the family whereas before I would feel like I wasn't part of anything special.

My son, Harrison, I've noticed is generally better towards to me, this is the biggest thing to pick up on as he senses everything going on. Before I used to feel awful that he was picking up on bad vibes from me.

Regardless of how I've got to where I am now, there is something fundamental that I could not have done with out. The support of my friends and family. This was HUGE for me. My wife, has been one of the greatest people I've ever known putting up with how I've been, I have been well and truly a horrible person. She has seen past this and stuck by me. There have been moments where she has broke and I've always wondered if that was the point I was due to go it alone but she along with everyone else in my life is only human. I don't know how well I would have coped, had the roles been reversed. The same goes for my parents who I know I was a shit to, but almost have no recollection of as I got myself in so much of a worked up state, I could not think straight.

And, (and I know I shouldn't start a paragraph or sentence with and but this is a big and) my friends. As much as I have ranted and raved about how things have been getting to me, I've had so many supportive messages from friends, some of whom I either 1) did not know where going through this too or 2) did not think they regarded me in that was a friend (or both). For those few messages I am truly thankful. What pains me the most is that not everyone will have someone like that in their lives.

I would encourage anyone that see's someone not having a good time and potentially has depression to reach out and just ask if they are ok, regardless of how well you know them. You could be all they need to get by.

Looking back on how I was, I felt like a petulant teenager who was not getting his own way, it was the weirdest feeling. I've never experienced or hope to experience anything like it again. I am 100% terrified of death, so the thought of actually taking my own life, going through my mind was equally and bafflingly terrifying, and I will be honest, it did, a number of times.

Depression is horrible. It's real. But it is well and truly invisible. If you suspect anyone you know is going through it, please please please reach out as there is no way of telling how bad things have gotten until it's too late. I've had people messaging me saying they suspect someone they know is going through it and asking me how to approach it, my response has always been to have the conversation as soon as possible and as open as possible.

Male depression is STILL the biggest killer of men under 40 in the UK and that also applies to 90% of all other countries around the world too. Nothing helps better than someone else reaching out.

If you still need help talking to someone, please message me and I will be more than happy to help.

For me, quizzing, still keeps me going. If anything, I've improved my game. :-)

#mentalhealth #quizhost #host #quiz #depression #anxiety