After the wonderful response I had from my last post, I decided this would be a regular thing to document to myself how I am progressing. It's great for me to be able to look back and see how I was and am doing and at the same time, I like to think it helps others to realise they are not alone with anything they are going through.
So where am I now? The good news is I feel like I am on the right path and not just that, I feel like I have made exceptional progress in the space of just a few weeks. I visited the Doctor as soon as I could to up my medication (300mg of Venlafaxine now, per day) which I think has helped to a certain extent but also I have attending counselling sessions too. I have only had two but already I have off loaded a lot of things that I think we weighing me down. It's great to be able to tell someone things that you don't really have the confidence to tell anyone else without the thought of being judged at all.
As of now, I don't feel anywhere near as down or lonely like I did on THAT day. I've been sleeping better, drinking less, being more constructive, more focused and more productive overall. I am far from having anything like a breakdown I feel and more along the path to being better in myself. What's more important is that I don't feel numb or angry like I did before and I'm starting to feel like I can deal with things in small doses.
So what has got me here? In a word, help, help from those around me, people I have spoken to who blatently care about me and who only want to see my get better. I've let people in, I've asked for help where I needed it and I've taken time out where I needed it as well. One thing that troubles me is that in doing all of this, I feel incredibly selfish, I feel like I am just doing things for me right now and not necessarily caring about anyone else and I can see how some people might perceive me to be a little selfish right now. To anyone that does think that, I apologise but please be rest assured that when I am officially better, I will make sure it doesn't go unnoticed.
I would like to thank anyone that has helped me over the past 2 years or so, as I know it has been tough on a lot of people. I appreciate the help, always even if i do not say it.
For now, I am going to keep doing what I am doing as it seems to be working. I don't want to rock the boat and end up back at square one.